Before I offend some people: I am attracted to men. I have crushes on men. I date men. I voluntarily subject myself to dating apps and all of the emotional confusion that comes with them.

And yet, despite all of this, I remain a man hater.

Maybe “hater” is a strong word. Maybe it’s actually the most accurate word I have.

Because I genuinely like men. I just don’t particularly enjoy dealing with them.

At some point, I feel like the roles got reversed. Men are the princesses now.

We’re planning the dates, making the first move, keeping the conversation going, trying to figure out where we stand, decoding texts, wondering if they’re interested, and somehow still expected to be impressed when a man does the bare minimum.

And I’m sorry, but when did dating become an audition for women?

I want to believe in men. I really do. Every time I meet someone new, there is still a small, optimistic part of me that thinks, maybe this one will change my mind. Maybe this will be the guy who actually communicates. Maybe he’ll make the plan. Maybe he’ll be intentional. Maybe I won’t have to wonder whether he likes me because he’ll simply make it obvious.

So far? No one has made me change my mind.

And I know what you’re thinking: Laura, surely not every man is like this.

I know. I KNOW.

There are good men. There are thoughtful men. There are emotionally intelligent men. There are men who communicate, make plans, know what they want and are capable of showing up for the person they’re dating.

I have heard of them.

I have simply yet to meet enough of them to make me reconsider my position.

And maybe this is why I’m a man hater. Because I don’t need a man to complete my life. I already have a life I love.

I already take myself out. I already make myself laugh. I already make my own plans, take myself on trips, build a career, and give myself the kind of life I want to come home to. I’m not saying I want to be so comfortable doing all of those things on my own.

I am. And that makes the bar a little higher.

Because if I can give myself the things I’m looking for, then what exactly are you bringing to the table? You better have a pretty good answer.

I don’t want to need a man. I want to want one. There’s a difference.

I want someone who adds something to my life that I couldn’t give myself. Someone who makes an already good life even better. Someone who brings companionship, partnership, laughter, love and all the little things that make having a person worth it.

The funny thing is that being a “man hater” doesn’t mean I hate men. I’m attracted to men. I want to date men. I would very much like to eventually find a man I can spend my life with.

That is probably the most inconvenient part of all of this.

Because unfortunately, I cannot simply announce that I hate men and move on.

I’m still going to notice the cute guy at the coffee shop. I’m still going to get excited when someone I like texts me. I’m still going to convince myself that this one feels different after approximately three conversations.

And then, inevitably, I will be humbled.

Maybe one day a man will come along and make me eat my words. Maybe someone will be so kind, consistent, funny, communicative and emotionally available that I’ll have no choice but to admit that I was wrong. I would actually love that for me.

Until then, though, I’ll be over here living a life that doesn’t need a man to make it good.

So yes, I’m a man hater.

But I’m also a woman who knows exactly what she can give herself. And until a man can add something to my life that I can’t give myself, I’m keeping my hater badge.

With Hate, Laura