If you’ve ever been single for longer than five minutes, you know the flood of unsolicited dating advice that comes with it. Suddenly, everyone around you is an expert. Friends, family, coworkers—people who haven’t dated since the early 2000s—are all eager to hand you the “secret” to finding love. But if I’m being honest, most of it is… completely useless. Some of it is outdated, some is condescending, and some just makes you want to roll your eyes into another dimension.

Take the classic: “It’ll happen when you least expect it.” Sounds sweet, right? Almost like a line from a rom-com. But in reality, it just feels dismissive. Imagine telling someone struggling to find a job, “Don’t worry, you’ll get hired the second you stop applying.” Love, like anything else in life, sometimes takes intention. There’s no shame in putting effort into it.

Then there’s the ever-popular: “You’re too picky.” I’ve heard this one more times than I can count, and every time, it makes me cringe. Having standards isn’t the same thing as being picky. Knowing what you want (and what you don’t) is actually a strength. The right person won’t make you feel like you need to shrink your list of non-negotiables.

And don’t even get me started on the “men are intimidated by you” comment. Apparently, confidence, independence, and ambition are things you should hide to be more “dateable.” But the truth? If someone is intimidated by those qualities, they’re probably not someone you’d want to date in the first place.

Of course, there’s also the pressure to “just download Hinge again!” As if re-downloading an app you deleted three times is magically going to fix everything. Dating apps can be useful, sure, but they’re not the only way to meet people. And sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is give yourself a break from swiping.

Other gems include “maybe lower your standards a little” (hard pass) and my personal least favorite: “you’ll find someone the second you stop looking.” That one makes it sound like you’re doing something wrong just by wanting love. There’s nothing desperate about being intentional.

The thing about all of this advice is that it usually puts the blame on you. You’re either too much, not enough, too picky, too independent, too hopeful, too something. But dating isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience, and there’s no formula that guarantees success. What actually matters is knowing your worth, protecting your peace, and remembering that you don’t need to bend just to be “easier” to love.

So next time someone hits you with one of these tired clichés, smile politely, nod if you must, and then promptly ignore it. The right person won’t require you to play games, settle for less, or pretend to be anyone but yourself.

Honestly, the only dating advice that really matters is this: know your worth, trust your gut, and never apologize for wanting what you want.

Love, Laura