You’ve probably heard it before: “I don’t chase, I attract. What belongs to me will simply find me.”

It sounds powerful. Mysterious. A little flirty. Like you’re just out here minding your business, glowing from within, and love is supposed to find you in the grocery store.

And for a while, I was fully on board. I loved the energy of it. I wanted to believe that the right person would just appear in my life without me lifting a finger. I liked the idea of sitting pretty while someone else did all the work.

But here’s the thing… sometimes you wait so long for something to “find” you that you miss the chance to go after what you actually want.

Because while the whole “I don’t chase” thing feels empowering on the surface, it can also keep us stuck in this mindset where we’re just waiting. Waiting for someone to make a move. Waiting for the stars to align. Waiting for love to knock on the door while we pretend we weren’t secretly hoping for it.

Recently, I’ve had to admit to myself that if I truly want something real, I need to be part of it too. I can’t just lean back and cross my fingers. I need to show up. Be intentional. Open the door when I feel a spark. Make the first move if I want to. There’s power in that too.

And this doesn’t just apply to relationships. This mindset shift is bigger than romance. It’s about jobs, friendships, opportunities, personal growth — everything. You can’t expect to attract your dream life by sitting in your comfort zone. Whether it’s reaching out to someone you admire, applying to that position that feels a little out of reach, or finally starting that creative project you’ve been talking about for months.

You still get to trust in timing. You still get to believe that what’s meant for you won’t miss you. But you also get to co-create your life instead of waiting around for the universe to hand it to you with a bow.

But, and this is a big but, that doesn’t mean I’m putting in all the effort.

I’m not out here writing novels over text while he’s replying with “lol.” I don’t condone us (girls) carrying the whole relationship (or anything else, really) on our backs just to prove we care. Mutual effort is non-negotiable. You can’t build something lasting when only one person is doing the heavy lifting. You shouldn’t have to.

What I am saying is this: if you want connection, opportunity, or change, you have to meet it halfway. Being open and intentional doesn’t mean abandoning your standards. Sometimes, we try so hard to seem unbothered that we miss out on things we actually care about.

We all love the idea of being chased, until it’s the wrong person doing the chasing. And suddenly, you’re not flattered, you’re annoyed. So what if we stopped waiting to be pursued, and started pursuing the kind of love, life, and energy we actually want? The kind that chooses you right back. The kind that feels easy, but still requires care. The kind where both sides show up.

So yeah, maybe I still whisper “I don’t chase, I attract” to myself every now and then. But I’ve redefined what that means. I attract what I align with. And I’m not afraid to show up for it too.

Because being chosen is nice. But choosing yourself, and what’s right for you, is even better.

Love, Laura