I recently came across this poem by Alia Summers, and it really struck me:

“just because i haven’t found someone

who meets my standards

doesn’t mean my standards are too high

after all,

i meet my standards

just because you can’t,

doesn’t mean i should lower them.”

It’s such a simple truth, but one that can be easy to forget—especially when the world makes you feel like you’re expecting too much. Whether it’s in relationships, friendships, or even career opportunities, there’s always that little voice (or sometimes, actual people) telling you to compromise, to be “realistic,” to stop being so picky. But here’s the thing: if you can meet your own standards, then they aren’t too high.

Dating: It’s Not About Being Picky—It’s About Knowing What You Want

If you’ve ever been told you’re too picky or that you should give someone a chance even when you know deep down they’re not right for you, you’re not alone. The dating scene can be frustrating, and it’s easy to start wondering if your standards are the problem.

But think about it—if you’re emotionally available, self-aware, and putting in the work to be a great partner, why would you settle for someone who isn’t doing the same? A healthy relationship isn’t about finding someone who just checks the boxes—it’s about finding someone who actually aligns with the life you’re building. The right person won’t make you feel like your standards are too high; they’ll step up because they want to be in your life.

Settling for the bare minimum just to avoid being single will only lead to frustration and disappointment. The right relationship will add to your life, not make you question whether you’re asking for too much.

Beyond Love: Standards in Friendships, Work, and Life

While relationships tend to take the spotlight when we talk about standards, they’re just one piece of the puzzle. The way you let people treat you—whether in friendships, work, or life in general—says just as much about your self-worth.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re the one always making plans, checking in, or putting in effort without it being reciprocated, you know how exhausting one-sided friendships can be. The reality is, not every friendship is meant to last forever. As you grow, you realize that quality matters so much more than quantity. You deserve friendships that feel mutual—where you feel supported, valued, and genuinely happy.

The same goes for your career. In your 20s, it’s easy to fall into the trap of taking whatever job just to feel like you’re moving forward. And while there’s nothing wrong with doing what you need to do to get by, there’s also nothing wrong with wanting more. If a job doesn’t align with your values, challenge you, or respect your contributions, it’s okay to say, this isn’t for me.

You don’t have to settle for work that drains you just because people say you should be grateful. There’s a difference between being realistic and knowing when you’re capable of more. If you wouldn’t let a partner or a friend treat you poorly, why let a job?

You’re Not Asking for Too Much—You’re Asking for What You Deserve

At this stage in life, it’s normal to feel pressure to settle. Maybe you see friends in relationships and wonder if you’re being too selective. Maybe you’re watching people climb the career ladder and questioning if you should just accept whatever opportunity comes next. But here’s the reality: lowering your standards doesn’t make life easier—it just makes it easier to end up in situations that don’t fulfill you.

Your standards aren’t about being difficult or unrealistic. They’re about respecting yourself enough to wait for the things, people, and experiences that truly align with the life you want to create.

So, the next time you feel like you should just make it work with someone who doesn’t meet your needs, stay in a friendship that drains you, or settle for a job that doesn’t excite you—remember this poem.

If you can meet your own standards, then they aren’t too high. The right people, opportunities, and experiences will meet you where you are. Keep holding out for what you deserve.

Love, Laura